You know, I honestly believed I was suppsoed to have children and be a mother and everything. Apparently not. I have taken four tests all of which have been negatives. I'm so sick and fucking tired of the stress that I get to go through every single day. Guess it's finally affecting my body now. So, yay. I'm honestly just fucking done trying. I'm never going to be a better person for my children. I'm never going to get to where I want and need to be so I can become the person I know I can be. I'm always going to be a manically deressed fucking dead beat not being able to go fucking anywhere in life. I never thought this is where I'd be at this point in life. I really fucking didn't. I figured by now I'd be fucking done with college, at least have a Bachelor's Degree, I figured I'd be on my way to paying off my dream home and working my way up my career path. But no. Absolutly fucking not. I'm stuck in a fucking state I cannot stand. Surrounded by people who constantly disrespect me and think nothing of anyone elses wants and needs. I'm married to a man I can only half fucking stand because I was fucking forced to. I'm going on 25 fucking years old and still have not had the chance to get my fucking license no matter how much I beg and plea to get it. What the fuck man. I cannot give my child any life that's worth something. What's my purpose now? Why even fucking bother going on.. I can't even fucking do college right.... I'm just a waste.....

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